PSA: Zombies

Welcome to my blog! This is my second post, and I would like to give you all a Public Service Announcement about Zombies.

Now, I know that in my profile picture, I look like I am a zombie, but I would like to inform everyone that this is not true. I only look like a zombie to disguise myself, so I could infiltrate a zombie horde and better study them.

So here is what I have discovered:

Zombies are a herd like animal. They hunt in packs and relentlessly attack their prey and devour them. Noises will alert them to your presence, so if you think that there may be Zombies near, DO NOT make loud noises, unless you want to be eaten.

They are not picky with their choice of prey. A fat person will be just as appetizing to them as a skinny person, though they will become more docile after a larger meal, so if you think you will encounter Zombies at some point, travel with a fatty, that way if you are attacked by Zombies, you can out run your unfortunate fat friend, and while they are making their meal of this person, you can make your escape to relative safety, as they will be less likely to continue chasing after you.

While some people may believe that Zombies are stupid creatures, they are not. They are just ruled by their instincts. Though, I did manage to infiltrate their ranks just by looking like one of their own, and not doing much else. If they haven't eaten recently, and they can sense that you are around, they will relentlessly hunt you down, they will attempt to track you using their sight, smell, and hearing abilities.

The Zombie horde that I infiltrated didn't have a leader per se, but there were a couple of Zombies who were faster and stronger than the rest of them, who almost always ate before the others.

Zombies are not just rotting undead corpses, as is the common belief, but are living creatures. The undead belief comes from their smell, since they have no sense of hygiene, and that when they are wounded, they don't attempt to dress the wound, so it will fester and rot.

The only pain that a Zombie feels is hunger. If a Zombie horde becomes starved, without living food for a long period of time, they will begin to turn on themselves, killing each other for food. This leads me to believe that the simplest way to defeat Zombies and eliminate them as a species is to just leave them alone. Without us as a food supply, they will kill each other until there are no Zombies left at all.

Here are some simple rules to follow to prevent yourself being attacked by Zombies.

Never travel alone. There is safety in numbers, especially if you are in shape, or at least, more in shape than other people in the group. As I said earlier, travel with someone fatter than you.

If you suspect that you are coming into an area that contains Zombies, be silent. They will hear you if you make noise, and then you will be doomed.

If you do find yourself face to face with a Zombie, aim for the head. Take out the brain and the Zombie will bother you no more.

And lastly, if you are travelling with someone who has been attacked by a Zombie, and has been bitten, leave them. A Zombie bite is deadly, they will eventually die and be resurrected as a Zombie, sort of like Jesus, except with less healing powers and more death.

Thank you all for reading this, and I hope that you will keep yourself safe against Zombies.

Please stay tuned for my next PSA: Bees, death with wings!